I don’t think I’ve ever had proper haters. Not because I’m that good, but because I haven’t even gained enough notoriety yet for that rite of passage 😛
Still, on the verge of an unorthodox journey like this, I find my brain constantly inventing new haters, slinging tireless arguments to whittle away at my confidence. I’ve never actually heard people say these things in real life, but that doesn’t stop them from looming in my mind. Maybe you can relate!
If you’re not familiar with my path, I’m spending the summer street performing in Ocean City, Maryland! Read my first post, “What is Summer of Busk?” to get caught up.
These haters come at me from every possible angle, using all kinds of arguments to bring me down. However, I recently read some powerful material that has totally changed my mindset and helps me stop these voices in their tracks.
In his 2013 book “Start,” writer and speaker Jon Acuff pinpoints something that I never knew I needed words for. He talks about these inner voices we hear from time to time, the ones that fear us looking silly or taking risks. He writes –
Jon Acuff, “Start” (2013) pg 68.
I’ve asked thousands of people this question over the years, and I’ve learned something – no one has a positive internal voice. No one’s internal voice tells them, ‘You’re skinny enough. You sure are pretty. People are going to love that new project you’re working on.
Most of us tend to think they’re telling us the truth. We’ve heard them for so long that we trust them. We think they’re looking out for us, that they’ve got our best in mind. We think our voices are our friends, but they’re not. They’re foes.
This passage really hit me hard, because I had never even identified my internal monologue as a separate ‘voice.’ I just knew thoughts like these popped into my head at times. But it feels very liberating to recognize these words as coming from a separate voice, an entity that is trying to bring you down. Acuff goes on to write that when you bring these voices into the light of day and address them directly, they shrink and lose their power.
It’s something I’ve started to do myself, and though I have a long way to go, it helps me get over the hurdles of taking the first risks. So, as an exercise for myself and also to inspire others, I thought I’d take a moment to write out what these voices have been telling me, and how I respond to them. These are my made up haters and my retaliation x)
1. You’re Too Late
You’re too late to start a music career. You’re already 25, and you didn’t get a music degree. You’re not involved in any long-standing music circle. Many successful musicians start bands in their teens and ride the wave from there.
First of all, it’s ridiculous to say that 25 is too young to do anything. Maybe I would already be middle-aged if this were the 1500s, but life in the present world has never been more open and malleable. Leonard Cohen didn’t get his first break until he was 33. Andrea Bocelli, the opera singer, didn’t reach success until he was 35.
And maybe I didn’t study music as my degree in college. But, I kept up my passion projects the whole time, even cutting my teeth studio recording for the first time with the college’s library equipment. And I played in a folk-rock duo with one of my best friends. We had paid gigs around campus.
There are certainly those who get a big break earlier in life, but as music is likely to be a long slog, there is still plenty of time. The time to move is indeed now, but there is plenty of time.
2. You’re not good enough.
You can’t even solo well. You’re not a good enough guitarist or vocalist in their own rights to get anywhere.
Maybe I’m not the best soloist in the world. But as far as singer-songwriters go, I can certainly hold my own. I can play over 100 covers from memory. I can play and sing together, even throwing in harmonica. With my loop-pedal production, I am a one-man band. I also think my talent really shines in my songwriting. It will only take enough time and serendipity to meet the right people at the right time.
Another thing I believe in is the human potential for growth. Maybe I’m not quite good enough yet, but every day I will get better.
3. You’re not rogue enough.
Most musicians are bombastic characters, wholly devoted to their art and expression. They have no problem fighting the establishment and doing whatever it takes to get their voice heard. You’ll never be brave enough to break the rules.
I will admit that I was a bit on the goody-two shoes side during my childhood and up through high school. But I definitely indulged in a little more roguish energy while I was living abroad in Korea.
Also – everyone’s path is different. The fact that I have a clean past shows that I can work with people well and take responsibility for myself. This could be a valuable trait in a world of overzealous musicians who fail to keep commitments or play nice with others.
4. Your family’s support makes you soft. It’s cheating.
If you ever become successful, you won’t deserve it. Your family has provided a stable and supportive background, so if you make it, you’re mooching off them.
This is one of the ones that looks silliest when written out. Of course, I’m eternally grateful and appreciative for my awesome family and the support they’ve given me. And it has not been insubstantial. Every year for Christmas even through college, I could count on a solid addition to my music gear collection as a gift. My parents drove down from Northern Virginia to Williamsburg to see a concert of mine one night during college.
So what then, because my parents have helped me out, I shouldn’t dare to dream big because it would be ‘cheating’? I don’t have to have a sob-story background to deserve success. Tons of successful musicians, actors, and other artists have made it in the industry because their parents had similar careers and connections. It’s a natural part of the world, and I should make my family proud by doing the most with the gifts they’ve given me.
5. You’ve spent too much money already.
You’ve invested over a thousand dollars in gear for busking, instruments, and gas to get around. You’ve barely even recovered a fraction of the cost. It’s a ridiculous pipe dream. You’re better off never having tried.
It’s true that I’ve dropped a bit of coin on musical investments. But who doesn’t spend a bit when it comes to their passion?? With every purchase I have stepped up, learning to utilize new gear as best I can and getting in plenty of play time. It’s not like I’ve left my guitar to collect dust in a corner. I’ve already traveled through Asia with it!
Life is never certain, and sometimes we can’t grow unless we step out and take a bit of a risk. That includes financially. I also believe that when you step out and make a significant purchase towards your dream, it gives you a feeling of ‘legitimacy’ that allows you to keep moving forward.
I may have some expensive gear, but I use it all the time, and it makes me feel like a real musician. I’m not going to get that far on an introductory $150 guitar and nothing else. And someday, if I am able to make a living from music alone, these initial investments will be more than worth it.
6. No one wants to hear you play.
You’re just a source of noise. You’re just in the way of pedestrians. Your songs may be special to you, but no one else will ever appreciate them.
Well, so far not a single person has ever told me that I’m ‘in the way’ or ‘just noise’. That too is only a shadow of fear fabricated by my voices. As long as I’m under a certain volume, I’m protected by the First Amendment! And who knows, maybe someday one of my songs will connect with others, set off a chain, and take on a life of their own.
In fact, I had an older gentleman come up to me the other day and complement my music, saying I was the best he had heard on the boardwalk in 50 years! That’s quite a statement, and should be enough encouragement to keep me going all summer long.
In Conclusion
Well, if you’ve made it to the end here, thanks for sticking it through with me! Just writing this post out has definitely been cathartic for me. Of course, it doesn’t guarantee that these voices will never rise again. But if you have similar voices holding you back, I hope you feel a little less alone. Try writing them out and shining a spotlight on them, to show how foolish they really are!